Next chapter...

The final episode of Oprah and breaking up with my boyfriend on the same day...I just may be in estrogen overload!

I have never felt incomplete or unworthy, I have never felt lost or needed to be saved, and I have never expected anyone else to make me happy, because I have always been happy.

I have always wondered why I do not have romantic relationships that are uncomplicated, well-rounded, and enduring. I have always wondered why these men always treat me as the “one that got away,” especially when they did nothing to keep me from getting away.

I have figured out that I am drawn towards men who, in one way or another, remind me of my Father, and as God as my witness, I would rather be alone with a house full of cats, than to be involved with one more man who resembles my Father, in any way, shape or form. The day I removed my Father from my life was like cutting cancer out of my soul, it was painful, but I got a whole new lease on life.

The girl who waited and waited, and waited and waited for the cutest, smartest, funniest boy she ever met to do right by her…well, she no longer exists.

The girl who agreed it would be too hard to make it work, gave the ok to just let her go, and didn’t fight for what she wanted for the sake of eschewing drama …well, she no longer exists either.

The girl who understood boys will be boys, didn’t call out the excuses as total bullshit, and when her feelings and spirit were hurt she shut down – when she should have tacked your balls to your inner thigh (jk…well…ha!)…well, she most definitely no longer exists.

I am truly happy, I am lit up from the inside and my light is beautiful and bright, and I believe approaching my little piece of the world in an optimistic way with my heart on my sleeve and a smile on my face is the only way to be!

I can add extra doses and doses of happiness to the people in my world, but I do not have the ego or the arrogance to believe I can make another person happy; your individual happiness is for you to create and nurture…if you are not happy, then you will infest me with your depression and misery, and no one has the right to steal, tarnish, or extinguish my happiness and light!

Words that make you tingle and weak in the knees are worthless unless fully supported by real and meaty actions…laughter and joy should be shared daily…if you have ever loved and cared for someone, continue to love and care for them, even if it is done at a distance…apologize…forgive…let it roll of your back…move forward…be present…love, love, love, and then love some more.

In a dark and cool bedroom, snuggled up and comfortable this morning - I said “I love you, you are my best friend, and we should break up.”

My sincere wish is he finds how to be happy with himself again, because he is spectacular and one of a kind…I love him, more than anyone I have ever known, but my love for him isn’t worth the sacrifice of my own happiness.

I know longer will look back and wonder why, I will no longer look forward and wonder what is next, I am living in the present...if I am ever blessed to be 80 years old, sitting on a dock with the person I love, dangling our feet in the water, all I ask is that we are as individually happy, as the happiness we share being together :)

"Forgiveness is giving up the hope that the past could of been any different"

- Oprah

Still laughing...Is this too much to ask for?

“A guy and a girl can be just friends,
but at one point or another,
they will fall for each other...
Maybe temporarily,
maybe at the wrong time,
maybe too late,
or maybe forever”

A break or broken?

Why do we believe if we love a little deeper, look the other way a little longer, and listen a little harder that we can save another human being from their own sorrow, pain, and strife?

We love the way we know how, we choose not to see what is right in front of us, we hear only what we want to hear…we need to be wanted in return, we want to be needed in return…we believe words and not actions.

The self-help mantra “we cannot truly love another human being until we love ourselves” is a plain and simple truth, but we continue to prefer the lies over the truth.

An undeniable connection, an enthralling friendship, and a bountiful love is not enough for a “happily ever after” when trust, respect and honesty are disregarded.

If you have never been blessed to be surrounded by people who would battle for you, who would sacrifice for you, and who love you for exactly who you are then maybe you never know the value and importance of trust, respect and honesty.

Flaws and imperfections are expected, missteps and mistakes are forgivable, breaking a heart is sad, and shattering trust is cruel.

When you know you are loved…when you know how good it can be and usually is…when you know it will take commitment and change…when you know trust has to be rebuilt from the ground up…what do you do?

Forgive and move forward together?

Forgive and move on alone?