Version 4.0

It has been a few weeks since I turned 40…I turned 40? What fresh hell is that?

I’m kidding, I think.

Nothing tragic has happened; my face has not fallen, themed sweaters featuring cats have not taken over my wardrobe, and it seems my immaturity is still very much intact.

I am the calmest and most self-assured I have ever been in my life and I have absolutely no idea where I am going, but I am not lost nor do I need to be found.

I am in love with my best friend and I am thankful for our relationship every day, but I am also craving goals we can achieve together and the sexiness of consistency to keep us moving forward.

I need a new career, because I need and want to be challenged, but I have no clear ideas about what it is I exactly want to do.

I am hearing, truly for the first time in my life, my biological clock tick, tick, tocking in my head, but I am also very aware of my age and life situations, so reason and rationality are still winning out.

The back of my left knee has been injured somehow, my right heel is suffering from plantar fasciitis (Google it), and I have more moments than I care to admit that make me feel less like I am 40 and more like I am 80…this drives me insane, fucking insane!

I have always been easy-going, rational and relatively drama free, but as I approached this milestone it became very clear and quite lovely to know my tolerance for any bullshit or drama has vanished, my sense of self is whole even without everything being perfect, and it is ok to let my emotions flow and if a little “crazy” pops out from time to time, well that is even better…holding your shit in for someone else or to try not to appear “out of control” does no one any good, starting with you!

So, all in all, I am thankful, because the best part of being 40 is not being 25 anymore :)