Miss☆A

Music Never Dies

2011-10-07T00:45:00.011-04:00

We all have songs that immediately transport us to a certain time, place, or someone. These songs may make us warm and tingly or they may make us melancholy and reflective, either way...there will always be a few notes and some lyrical lines that will make us time travelers, even if it's just for a fleeting moment.

Here are some of mine...

Journey - Open Arms

Guns 'N Roses - Sweet Child 'O Mine

Metallica - Nothing Else Matters

Green Day - Wake Me Up When September Ends

Pearl Jam - Black

Adam Sandler - Crazy Love (no link was available)

Daughtry - Crashed

Paul Simon - Something So Right

Hamlet 2 - Rock Me Sexy Jesus

John Prine - In Spite of Ourselves

John Prine - That's The Way That The World Goes Round

"...It's a happy enchilada, and you think you're gonna drown"

2011-10-07T00:39:00.002-04:00

“Reason is not automatic.
Those who deny it cannot be conquered by it.
Do not count on them.
Leave them alone.”

- Ayn Rand

It's time to do the laundry!

2011-10-04T00:48:00.005-04:00

I am not a man-hater and I am always optimistic about the potential of love, but lately it feels like romance is dying and men are baffling me with their inability to see past their own nose…or is it their penis?

I was flipping through the TV channels and came across “The Notebook” – I tried not to watch it, because every time I do I turn into the sappiest of females…two hours later I was a wreck. A few days after watching the movie I read a sex survey that stated women are more apt to have sex after watching “The Notebook”…are you kidding me? “The Notebook” makes me wonder why romance is dead and where are all the “Noah’s”…so, trust me I’d be more apt to stab a man than screw him after watching this movie.
* By the way, if you are wondering what movie men are more apt to have sex after watching is…it’s “Star Wars” - this explains so much!

Maybe that was a random piece of info, but it makes sense to me ;)

Now, to my real life…

My iTunes have been stuck primarily on Adele for weeks now with the occasional break to listen to angry rocker girls and vengeful country chicks, and even the random 80’s power ballad.

I have…poured my heart out and pled my case, cried and argued, developed insomnia and an eye twitch, watched my laundry and dishes pile, become jealous and aloof, tried to be an ice princess and play make-believe, and the worst…let my toenail polish chip and the roots of my hair show.

I have been a heartbroken mess.

A few days ago he said something so ridiculous and so sad about what he chooses for his life that everything started to shift in me, and then yesterday I realized how exhausted I am from being on this teeter-totter of emotions that neither one of us wants to get off of for fear of losing the only person in the world who makes it fun and challenging to play.

I am getting off the teeter-totter and I am going to go swing all alone…I was always really good at getting my swing up high all by myself!

All the love in the world cannot save him from choosing to wallow somewhere dark and imaginary that smells like bakin and is full of plastic drones (bakin is fake and bitter…I would never want to offend the always delicious real bacon).

I have always been happy single…even while heartbroken, but what made me a mess was how much I believe in “us” – when we are good and we are both making an effort…we are perfection.

I would be lying if I didn’t say that a part of me is still hoping for my movie moment…wanting my one true love to realize he cannot live without me…I may never get “Noah”, but I would be just as happy with my very own “Lloyd Dobler”

Like I said I am not a man-hater and I am always optimistic about the potential of love, but I also know better than to hold my breath waiting for someone else to make me happy.

I never asked him to change...I am a woman who loves attributes and flaws, and I find perfection to be a real bore. All I ever wanted was trust, commitment, and honesty...maybe I just wasn't worth the effort, I accept this, but it still hurts to know this could very well be the reason.

One day a smart, funny, and HAPPY man is going to be very lucky he gets me, and if that man doesn’t exist or never finds me then all the cats I adopt will reap the benefits of my amazingness!

One thing did give me hope about romance…

As I was rounding the curve of the street I live on; I noticed a garage door adorned with pink post-it notes arranged as “I ♥ U”, I slowed down to get a better look and noticed that each post-it had words of love and devotion written in the chicken scratch only a male could pen, and the post-it’s were on the garage door directly in front of the cobalt blue mustang parked in the driveway so they would not be missed by their recipient.

…showing a woman you love her doesn’t take anything more than a little effort and little ingenuity.

2011-07-26T01:06:00.001-04:00

I miss flirting...this is the first time in 5 years I am flirt free...it's not awful, it's just weird...I'm taking a long and much needed break, just hope I don't lose my skills :-/

Verity

2011-07-21T14:03:00.002-04:00

Do you think anyone ever tells the stories of their life without revising, editing, or fabricating facts and details?

I don’t…I think we all skew and blur to either make ourselves the victim or the hero, depending which serves us best at the time.

I believe generally it is a “no harm, no foul” situation, because more than likely, you are not personally invested into the storyteller’s life.

Now, if you have a starring role in the story, especially if it has anything to do with a personal or intimate relationship, you want to hear it being told exactly as it was lived…otherwise, there is going to be a whole lot of “Liar! Liar! Pants on fire!” being shouted about.

I am not an irrational person, I do not see myself as a victim, I prefer laughter over almost everything else, I would rather hear and tell the brutal truth than have anything to do with a beautiful lie, and everything I do for another human being is from my heart and I never expect anyone to “owe” me…I am sensitive and emotional, I cry when I am hurting or angry, I don’t cry when I am sad or numb, I get tired of jokes and sarcasm when you are trying to work things out, and to me, the omitting of details and facts is as shitty as a lie.

That being said…

When it comes to the telling of my relationship stories; I remember everything and I am honest, even if it doesn’t paint me in the best light. I am not an angel, I have flaws aplenty, and I am quite sure I reap what I have sown.

I don’t mind being the princess, basket case, sweetheart, rebel, dork, or asshole in the stories of my life, just as long as when they are told, they are told exactly as they happened.

As I move through my break-up, while still spending time with him and truly trying to be just friends again, it is his revisionist history of the way things went down that drives me insane, because even though I ended our relationship…I was never the reason it had to end.

I know I was patient and forgiving (far more than I have ever been with any other person in my life), I was helpful and understanding (even when I knew I didn’t have to be), and even now, I continue to love and care about him without any expectations.

Well, I guess I do have expectations…I want the story of us told accurately and I want complete brutal honesty.

Tell your life stories truthfully to the ones you love and respect…starting with yourself!

2011-07-05T00:54:00.001-04:00

Brutal honesty is always better than a beautiful lie.

Next chapter...

2011-05-25T20:09:00.000-04:00

The final episode of Oprah and breaking up with my boyfriend on the same day...I just may be in estrogen overload!

I have never felt incomplete or unworthy, I have never felt lost or needed to be saved, and I have never expected anyone else to make me happy, because I have always been happy.

I have always wondered why I do not have romantic relationships that are uncomplicated, well-rounded, and enduring. I have always wondered why these men always treat me as the “one that got away,” especially when they did nothing to keep me from getting away.

I have figured out that I am drawn towards men who, in one way or another, remind me of my Father, and as God as my witness, I would rather be alone with a house full of cats, than to be involved with one more man who resembles my Father, in any way, shape or form. The day I removed my Father from my life was like cutting cancer out of my soul, it was painful, but I got a whole new lease on life.

The girl who waited and waited, and waited and waited for the cutest, smartest, funniest boy she ever met to do right by her…well, she no longer exists.

The girl who agreed it would be too hard to make it work, gave the ok to just let her go, and didn’t fight for what she wanted for the sake of eschewing drama …well, she no longer exists either.

The girl who understood boys will be boys, didn’t call out the excuses as total bullshit, and when her feelings and spirit were hurt she shut down – when she should have tacked your balls to your inner thigh (jk…well…ha!)…well, she most definitely no longer exists.

I am truly happy, I am lit up from the inside and my light is beautiful and bright, and I believe approaching my little piece of the world in an optimistic way with my heart on my sleeve and a smile on my face is the only way to be!

I can add extra doses and doses of happiness to the people in my world, but I do not have the ego or the arrogance to believe I can make another person happy; your individual happiness is for you to create and nurture…if you are not happy, then you will infest me with your depression and misery, and no one has the right to steal, tarnish, or extinguish my happiness and light!

Words that make you tingle and weak in the knees are worthless unless fully supported by real and meaty actions…laughter and joy should be shared daily…if you have ever loved and cared for someone, continue to love and care for them, even if it is done at a distance…apologize…forgive…let it roll of your back…move forward…be present…love, love, love, and then love some more.

In a dark and cool bedroom, snuggled up and comfortable this morning - I said “I love you, you are my best friend, and we should break up.”

My sincere wish is he finds how to be happy with himself again, because he is spectacular and one of a kind…I love him, more than anyone I have ever known, but my love for him isn’t worth the sacrifice of my own happiness.

I know longer will look back and wonder why, I will no longer look forward and wonder what is next, I am living in the present...if I am ever blessed to be 80 years old, sitting on a dock with the person I love, dangling our feet in the water, all I ask is that we are as individually happy, as the happiness we share being together :)

"Forgiveness is giving up the hope that the past could of been any different"

- Oprah

2011-05-10T13:44:00.002-04:00

Still laughing...Is this too much to ask for?

2011-05-10T00:58:00.002-04:00

“A guy and a girl can be just friends,
but at one point or another,
they will fall for each other...
Maybe temporarily,
maybe at the wrong time,
maybe too late,
or maybe forever”

A break or broken?

2011-05-09T21:55:00.003-04:00

Why do we believe if we love a little deeper, look the other way a little longer, and listen a little harder that we can save another human being from their own sorrow, pain, and strife?

We love the way we know how, we choose not to see what is right in front of us, we hear only what we want to hear…we need to be wanted in return, we want to be needed in return…we believe words and not actions.

The self-help mantra “we cannot truly love another human being until we love ourselves” is a plain and simple truth, but we continue to prefer the lies over the truth.

An undeniable connection, an enthralling friendship, and a bountiful love is not enough for a “happily ever after” when trust, respect and honesty are disregarded.

If you have never been blessed to be surrounded by people who would battle for you, who would sacrifice for you, and who love you for exactly who you are then maybe you never know the value and importance of trust, respect and honesty.

Flaws and imperfections are expected, missteps and mistakes are forgivable, breaking a heart is sad, and shattering trust is cruel.

When you know you are loved…when you know how good it can be and usually is…when you know it will take commitment and change…when you know trust has to be rebuilt from the ground up…what do you do?

Forgive and move forward together?

Forgive and move on alone?

The Starfish Story (L.Eisley)

2011-04-24T23:10:00.004-04:00

One day a man was walking along the beach when he noticed
a boy picking something up and gently throwing it into the ocean.

Approaching the boy, he asked, “What are you doing?”

The youth replied, “Throwing starfish back into the ocean. The surf is up and the tide is going out. If I don’t throw them back, they’ll die.”

"Son,” the man said, “don’t you realize there are miles and miles of beach and hundreds of starfish? You can’t make a difference!”

After listening politely, the boy bent down, picked up another starfish,
and threw it back into the surf.

Then, smiling at the man, he said…”I made a difference for that one.”

Version 4.0

2011-04-17T01:05:00.004-04:00

It has been a few weeks since I turned 40…I turned 40? What fresh hell is that?

I’m kidding, I think.

Nothing tragic has happened; my face has not fallen, themed sweaters featuring cats have not taken over my wardrobe, and it seems my immaturity is still very much intact.

I am the calmest and most self-assured I have ever been in my life and I have absolutely no idea where I am going, but I am not lost nor do I need to be found.

I am in love with my best friend and I am thankful for our relationship every day, but I am also craving goals we can achieve together and the sexiness of consistency to keep us moving forward.

I need a new career, because I need and want to be challenged, but I have no clear ideas about what it is I exactly want to do.

I am hearing, truly for the first time in my life, my biological clock tick, tick, tocking in my head, but I am also very aware of my age and life situations, so reason and rationality are still winning out.

The back of my left knee has been injured somehow, my right heel is suffering from plantar fasciitis (Google it), and I have more moments than I care to admit that make me feel less like I am 40 and more like I am 80…this drives me insane, fucking insane!

I have always been easy-going, rational and relatively drama free, but as I approached this milestone it became very clear and quite lovely to know my tolerance for any bullshit or drama has vanished, my sense of self is whole even without everything being perfect, and it is ok to let my emotions flow and if a little “crazy” pops out from time to time, well that is even better…holding your shit in for someone else or to try not to appear “out of control” does no one any good, starting with you!

So, all in all, I am thankful, because the best part of being 40 is not being 25 anymore :)

301

2011-01-04T21:36:00.003-05:00

July 6, 2007 ~ November 29, 2010

300 Posts

It is time to shake things up, because
in less than 3 months I will be forty years old
and I feel the need to clean the slate, so
I can come out with a new and improved swagger!

~ blog posts prior to 2011 are beautiful memories, and
have now been stored away in a safe place~